the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
no more duck duck goose at the bar
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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