Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
