He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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