@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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