You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
