my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
