Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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