an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
