When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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