What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
