Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
