I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I take back everything I said about communal showers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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