He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
