After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
