my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
