hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
