So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
