So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
