Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
