I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
