I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
