JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
