3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
