laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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