That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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