I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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