the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
