This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
