i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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