My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
