just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
