I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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