Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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