i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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