Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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