I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
