her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
