would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
