No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
