i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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