took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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