I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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