I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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