Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
