Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
