Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
