i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
