so that wasnt chicken after all
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
