so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
