Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
