So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
