Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
