Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
