He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Randomize
