I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
