I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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